10 Red flags to look out for when dealing with online scams for job seekers- My personal experience

A few months ago I decided to look for other opportunities by seeking for jobs online. I just wanted a new start, considering of course this. Ok I visited quite a number of employment agency websites and dropped my resume together with cover letters. So weeks passed by and there were no responses, but a lot of junk mail or mail coming from these agents advertising various other job opportunities and etcetera etcetra. In my view this was irrelevant because all I wanted at that moment in time was at least an invitation to an interview or something better. However …….nothing came through. Then out of the blues, I received an email from a certain employer offering me a job, claiming that they had got my information from the internet. Okay, this was good news but personally I never take anything at face value because of this and this. This is what I then started doing; digging for information to see how legitimate this so called employer was. I first of all accepted the offer and then started investigating. I must say what I unravelled was out of this world….these guys are getting really smart at their game. Check out the following red flags I found that you should look out for when offered a job online.

Red Flag 1:- Offered a job I never applied for

I mean seriously getting a job offer for a role I absolutely did not apply for, is a bit suspicious. Now to me that stood out as red flag number 1. I did not apply for the job so why offer me something I never showed interest in. Okay, at the back of my mind I was like well maybe they really liked my resume. But come on, seriously no interview, no prior communication….but a job offer with a reasonable salary, that’s interesting. Well, it is important you take heed of this red flag when offered a job online.


Red Flag 2:- Different emails used.

After receiving a job offer email, I responded, and then the response came from another email with a different domain address. Okay there is Red flag number 2. Now hear me out, at first I thought this was not a scam because I was not asked for my personal details or bank details which is an obvious sign of a scam. Nothing regarding my bank details or personal details was asked, but however it gets more interesting. Check the red flag below.

Red flag 3:- Referred to a lawyer

Now this part took my breath away, I was referred to a lawyer to help in the processing of my travel documents. I was given the lawyer’s email address and contact number. Well right away I dropped the lawyer an email indicating that I was referred by so and so for the processing of travel documents and a Guarantee Bond for  immigrants. Guess what, the lawyer responded and what he requested for immediately raised my eyebrows (see the red flag below).  Oh yes in addition the document that was sent was not on the Law Firm’s Letter Head. Hmmmm, interesting.


Red Flag 4: Make a payment for the Guarantee Bond

I was requested to make a payment of USDxxx for the processing of a Guarantee Bond. Okay for starters I understand the significance of a guarantee bond but from my research this is significant when you are now in the targeted country not when you are yet to apply for a VISA. What made this more interesting is I was asked to deposit funds through one of the money transfer agents to that lawyer. In my view this was to avoid traces of bank transfers considering the risks of money laundering. The question that immediately came into my mind was why the funds were being transferred to an individual and not to a law firm. The other interesting thing is the transfer was being done to another country, outside the country where I got the employment “offer” from.

Red flag 5:- Face Book page

In my quest to get more information I then decided to search for the employer’s name on Face Book and other social media platforms. Well guess what, the employer was on Face Book, but the employer had no friends, I immediately sent a friend request which was responded to within hours. As soon as I got the response I sent a message asking whether the employer had sent an email offering a job. And guess what the person responded that it was the employer and they confirmed the job offer. I then started asking a lot of questions which brought me to Red Flag number 6.

Red Flag 6:- Discrepancies in information presented

There is a saying that goes; it’s difficult to remember a lie than the truth. When you are lying about something you need another lie to keep the first lie alive and well most of the time when you lie, it is very difficult to remember that very same lie. Which brings me to Red Flag number 6 discrepencies in information. Well I asked a lot of questions. And so many times I would ask the same question in another angle just to verify whether I would get the same response. Let me give you an example, at first I asked where the employer had got my details from. The first response was they had got my information from a social network on the internet. Later on I asked the question from another angle and the employer said he had received my information from another department within his company. Well I further did my research, the FB page had a different Date of Birth from the age the employer purported to be. The FB page had the contact number of the lawyer and not the company owner. Very interesting.

Red Flag 7:- Poor communication skills

This red flag stood out for me from day one; poor communication skills. The English grammar was so bad. I even asked the employer what his first language was, and they confirmed it was English, but the email communication had such bad grammar, I immediately knew I was not dealing with the said “employer”, but someone else, leading me to Red flag 8.

Red Flag 8:- Identity theft

I saw this one as a classic scam. After querying the payment to the lawyer I asked the employer what guarantee I had that I was dealing with a genuine person, and I got a copy passport sent. Well I must say I was relieved for a moment, then again thought of identity theft, where one uses someone else’s documents especially of an old person and presents the documents as if it was them. The danger with this is the people doing the scam tend to use documents of a person who has no track record on the internet. I tried searching for this person online but no track records found which I found rather odd. Then I remembered that this person might be old and not using the internet. As such they might not even know that their details are being used by someone else online.

Red Flag 9:- Persistent demands to settle

After receiving the email to pay for a Guarantee Bond it was now a daily demand to settle the payment in order to commence travel documents and VISA processing. To me, the persistent demand to settle the bond fee was a clear red flag. An employer who wants to hire you does not demand for payment upfront instead they bear the full cost of the VISA and travel documents together with other costs.

Red Flag 10:- Public domain email addresses

Another Red flag is the use of the public domain email addresses not work related domain addresses. In this case a Gmail account was used not the work related domain. When I asked the employer for their work related email, they sent me an email whose domain address does not even exist. The excuse I got for not using the work related domain was that the work server was down, which I found rather odd. Oh by the way the company name that was used to do this scam is an international company known worldwide.

So what do you do when faced with a more or less similar scam?

• DO NOT pay anything. I repeat do not pay anything no matter what demands the employer presents. If the employer wants you they should bear the whole cost.
• ALWAYS query a job offer that is presented without you applying for it or let alone getting interviewed.
• NEVER disclose any personal information , like your physical address, credit card details or bank details
• ALWAYS do background checks before making your final decision. With the beauty of the internet, just a few clicks can give you all the information you need.
• Check for any of the Red flags above before making the final decision
• If the “job offer” is from a foreign country, engage the embassies or commissions of that particular country to find out more information.
• NEVER give in to the pressure to do anything they ask for. If the job is legitimate, they will be patient with you and not make unnecessary demands.

No matter how desperate you are for a job, do not fall for any online scams. I took a risk in responding to these people, I kindly request you do not do the same.

You can actually build a successful online business by doing this. I have tried it and it has worked.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to drop them below and I will be more than happy to respond to you.

Thank you.






Mind Movies 4.0 Review- Can this software re-program your mind to think positively?


Mind Movies 4.0 – Founder Natalie Ledwell

Product Description: – A software that trains your brain to pull your wildest dream into reality

Product Price: – Currently offer at 50% discount – $97 one -time payment or split into two payments of USD58.99 x 2

Guarantee: – 60 days 100% money back – No questions asked


Over the years I was taught the importance of changing the way I think and focusing on the positive. However because of the bad experiences I went through my mind was programmed to always anticipate the worst. I then learnt of the importance of changing the way I think in order to rebuild my self-esteem, but to me it was all theory and I found it very difficult to change the way think and focus on the positive because I just did not know how. This was until I came across the Mind Movies solution which was derived from the movie “The secret”.

The Scientific background of Mind Movies 4.0

I am one person who loves dealing with facts. So before I purchase a product, I always want to find out the basis of creating such a product or service, so that I can make an informed decision. The explanation I got in coming up with this product made me realise, this is a legitimate and is a solution that bridges the gap between the conscious levels (what we know we must do) and the subconscious level (the fuel that helps us achieve what we dream of). You see, our brains have a small component called the Reticular Activating System (RAS)  located at the top of the spinal column and extends upwards, about two inches. This part of the brain is the size of our little finger and the diameter is about the size of a pencil. All sensory nerves except the smell (which goes straight to the brains emotional centre) are wired directly to this RAS.

The main function of the RAS is to act as a gateway to the brain by sifting information that needs to go into the conscious part of the brain. The RAS plays a significant role in the sensory information you perceive daily. Imagine you are walking in a busy subway and all of a sudden you hear your name being called. The subway has thousands of people, and it is very noisy. What helps you hear your name in such a hype of activity is the RAS. It helps you select information from the environment and send signals of relevant information to your brain. From the vast sensory information you come across every minute, the RAS chooses the information that is relevant to you and information that you should focus on. In simple terms, the RAS works in your favour, it gives you what you want and sifts out what you do not want. The RAS works hand in hand with your belief system and what you focus on repeatedly.
Let me give you another example. Imagine a board in front of you with different bright colours, and you are told by someone to notice the yellow colour ONLY. The RAS will help you ignore the other colours and focus on the yellow colour only. The founder of Mind Movies realised how powerful this part of the brain is that if trained well it can be used to select and draw what you desire in your life. The founder also discovered that the RAS can be controlled on what needs to be focused on through repetitive thoughts. I like the quote she uses:” Where focus goes, energy flows and results show”.

Is it worth it the try? How does Mind Movies help?

Now we know the RAS can be trained to focus on what we choose. However you might still be asking where does the Mind Movies software come in?”
“Mind Movies is a multi-sensory technology that simplifies and streamlines your process of personal growth…
Allowing you to spark DEEP inner transformation, as easily as pressing PLAY on a video”.
The software offered by Mind Movies is a powerful tool that is used to reprogram your RAS through the following ways:-
1) Positive Present Tense Affirmations.
The software allows you to put positive present tense affirmations that you need to repeatedly play to yourself every single day. The affirmations speak straight to your subconscious mind. The affirmations may include “I am happy”, “I am worth it”, “I can do it”, and “I can help others”. Putting these positive present tense affirmations that you want to manifest in reality, is one of the tools used in this software.

2) Spontaneous Visualisation
I believe in the power of visual aids and another powerful tool used by the Mind movies software is the ability for you to create pictures of what you want to achieve. Visualization is the practice of training your subconscious mind to ‘see’ certain scenarios and outcomes that you want to bring into your reality. Literally you live it before it becomes a reality. Visual aids played repeatedly every day are very handy in helping the RAS focus on the life you would want to live. The software allows you to upload pictures of your own choice if you would like to.

3) Emotional Auditory Stimulation
The music you listen to contributes significantly to your emotional mood or feeling. Music has a way of either arousing good feelings or soothing your mind. The software comes with pre loaded music. However the beauty about this software is it allows you to upload music of your own choice.

In a nutshell, Mind Movies 4.0 allows you to combine the 3 techniques above into a single powerful tool. In addition the 3 minute video that you create can be played repeatedly every day and this is key to winning because results you get in life are a reflection of what you play repeatedly in your mind. If you have achieved certain goals in your life, you can always reprogram the 3 minute videos and upload other goals and dreams you want to achieve.

So the question is does the Mind Movie 4.0 really work? – My opinion

From experience and research on how the product works, I believe the Mind Movie really works in reprogramming your mind because of the following facts:-

1. It is a great tool that helps replace bad thoughts with good positive affirmations. I had emotionally painful experiences in my life and my mind was programmed to think negatively especially in areas to do with relationships, money and life. My negative thoughts attracted negative energy around my life, and that was the power of the RAS that sifted my brain not to see the good around me. However when I came across this powerful tool, the RAS can be reprogrammed and negative thoughts can be replaced with positive present tense affirmations.

2. I noticed the visualisation technique is a great tool to help you see where you want to go, aim for it and focus on things around that help achieve the goals. I used to see myself as unlovable, unworthy and as such my behaviour was skewed towards those thoughts. However with the help of visualisation I saw myself as a loving person, who wants to help and because of that my mind focuses on walking in love by first loving myself and also loving and helping others around me.

3. The software is web based and can be used on any gadget, be it a laptop, a smart phone or tablet. I find this quite handy. I can always use the software anywhere (where there is internet connectivity) and this is so convenient. If I will be travelling to a place with no internet connectivity, I can always download the videos and play them offline.

4. In line with point 1, I am one person who loves practical solutions, (I am the “how do you do it “type of person). To me, it is not good enough to just tell me to do this or do that, without telling me how to do it. Hence I found Mind Movies as a good practical tool on how to change my negative thinking to positive thinking which is the foundation of positive behaviour. As the founder of Mind Movies said, “Where focus goes, energy flows and results show”. This is so true, when I changed my mind set to a positive one, the energy around me changed, I started focusing on positive things and before long the results started showing as my relationships improved, my income increased and I felt happy.

5. The Mindset Movies does not create a fantasy that makes you lazy rather it re-programs the RAS to identify information and opportunities around you that you can tap into and achieve the desired goals.
However there is a downside to the software
The product does not work for everyone. The basis of this working in your life is based on what you believe. If you do not believe it will work for you, it simply won’t. If you cannot picture yourself succeeding, it might be difficult to succeed with this product. However to mitigate this Mind Movies team has a very good support team that will help and if you are not satisfied , there is a 100% money back , no questions asked guarantee.


I struggled with negative thoughts which resulted in me attracting negative energy, the software was the right practical tool to change my mind set. Mind Movies 4.0 online creation kit basically allows you to create short, powerful movies filled with uplifting images and videos, positive present-tense  affirmations, emotionally inspiring music and super-charged subliminal audio tracks of what you want to happen in reality. After creating powerful visualization tool, you are then advised to watch their movie for just a few minutes a day. And when you do, you will manifest your goals and desires into your life quickly and easily.

Just to show that this is a powerful tool, you are offered a 100% money back guarantee after 60 days if it the product does not work for you. In addition you are offered 4 incredible bonus packages worth over USD1, 000 for FREE that you can keep even if you return the Mind Movies 4.0 software. You also receive full time support from the team when you need it.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to drop them at the bottom of this post.

Click here to learn more about mind movies.

Thank you!

7 reasons why it is important to focus on a passion after an emotionally painful experience

The feeling of intense enthusiasm towards something is usually lost when relationally hurt by someone you love. When abused or rejected, a person may lose themselves and find it difficult to love something. As you embark on the journey to rebuild your self-worth after a painful experience, it is important to focus on your passion which can range from an interest to an admiration of an idea. What do you love doing? What makes you uniquely you?

7 reasons why it is important to focus on a passion in rebuilding your self esteem

1. It keeps your mind occupied
The last thing you would want to do or focus on is the replaying of the painful experience you went through. It is important you keep your mind focused on something you love to do, to avoid an idle mind. There is something invaluable about finding a passion in life, dedicating time to it and watching yourself improve and grow in it.  This keeps your mind occupied and makes you use your time in a more valuable way.
2. Having a passion creates discipline
You might have developed a wrong addiction when you were betrayed, rejected or abused just to alleviate the pain. Now that you are healing and moving forward, focusing on a passion will help you see yourself improve and grow in the things that make you grow in a positive way.
3. A passion is uniquely YOU. Finding a passion, gives you something that is for you and no one can take that away from you. Too many times we let our jobs and relationships dictate how we spend our free time, however finding a passion gives you something that is uniquely you.  A passion that you have come to love for you and nobody else is extremely vital to taking care of yourself and owning your individuality.

4. A passion is yours for a lifetime
Your passion can only be limited by you and you alone. No one can take it away from you unless you allow it. The passion defines your uniqueness and is for a lifetime.
5. A passion gives you the drive and fuel to move on
Having a passion for something helps you find yourself. When you find something you genuinely love to do, it will always make you feel good when you do it. You will not need money or instant gratification in order for it to have value. Searching for your passion, is a soul searching experience, because it will bring out something you care about, something that brings you joy and something you will make a part of who you are.
6. Helps you grow in confidence
Focusing on your passion helps you grow in confidence of who you are and what you are capable of. Passion helps you reach your self -actualisation by driving you to push your limits and create ideas and opportunities that can make a difference in other people’s lives.
7. Your passion may have a positive impact on other people’s lives
Your passion has a positive impact on other people as it helps people and could be a solution to other people’s problems. You might have a passion in sports; this may inspire other people to live healthy. A passion in singing may soothe other people who need music, a passion in baking may help other people in eating delicious food, a passion in reading may enhance your knowledge and help other people learn, a passion in sales, may help other people purchase what you offer. Whatever your passion is, aim to make a positive impact with it.



After losing yourself, because of the pain you went through during abuse, or betrayal, you might find it difficult to know what you really love to do. It can be frustrating when people advise you to follow your passion especially if you have gone through a lot of emotional pain. After changing the way you think and surrounding yourself with positive thinking people, the following tips will help you find your passion:-

Tip 1:- Look for evidence of things you love to do
This could stretch from as early as childhood. What did you love to do and what came to you naturally. Think of the peak moments in your life. Make a list of lifetime experiences that truly mattered to you and excited you.

Tip 2:- Follow your curiosity
If you find yourself curious about something, that could your passion. For example Steve Jobs curiosity for Typefaces, led him to venture into the smart phone industry. What would you like to find out more about? What would you like to resolve? The answer to the questions may be your passion.
Tip 3:- Ask yourself what would you do for a long time and never get bored
Something that you would want to do for the next 10 or 20 years without getting bored, is probably your passion. If you find yourself spending so much time doing something without anyone nagging you into doing it, and at the same time you are enjoying yourself, then that is your passion.
Tip 4:- What would you work for without expecting money in return as a primary goal
Your passion drives you not the money you get. You may focus on your passion for a period of time without expecting anything in return and still enjoy doing it.
Tip 5:- Imagination
When you wake up each morning and prepare for the day, what do you picture yourself doing in the long run? When you daydream, what do you see yourself doing? What you visualise doing most of the time is probably your passion.
Tip 6:- Make enquiries
Find out from your friends and loved ones what they think you are good at. Other people’s views especially from your positive thinking friends has significant impact in helping you find your passion especially if you are struggling to do so on your own.
Tip 7:- Research, learn and practice
In finding your passion, it is important for you to research on what you think you are good at, develop the skill by learning and practice, practice and practice until you are the best in what you do. Never quit trying no matter what.


Business People hangout together at coffee shop


The difference between a successful person and an ordinary person is in the passion. Passion can be turned into a successful business by following the steps below:-
STEP 1:- Find out who you want to help with your passion

Who does your passion help? What problem are your resolving with your passion? The answers to the two questions, then creates your niche market. For example; is your passion singing, look for audiences who would love to listen to your music? What type of people would listen to your music? Which age group would you target? What type of music would you offer? And the list goes on for any passion
STEP 2:- Research and know more about your passion and the niche market you are targeting
Research more about your passion, develop it into and a skill and keep learning new ways of improving your passion. At the same time learn about the people you want to help. Find out ways of how to help them in a cost efficient manner. Create ways of improving their lives with your passion and in exchange they will pay for the solutions you offer. For example you might have a passion in baking, research on healthy ways to bake and cook. The world is quickly becoming health conscious and if you offer baking dishes that offer more health benefits in exchange for value, you are in business.
STEP 3:- Test the waters
As you start, it is good you test what you the response of the market with a few people who are able to positively criticize you and help you improve. This could be your friends, family or colleagues. It could also be your community. The feedback you get will help you improve and better deliver what you do best.
STEP 4:- Leap and Go for it!
You have tested the market and people have responded positively, it’s time you fly. Do not be afraid to start. You can also start your sales via social media which is the fatsest way of growing your sales. Click here to find out how you can use social media to grow your business.Remember to always grow in your passion and keep trying, even if you may not gain revenue in the short run, do not give up especially if you love doing it, this will be your fuel to keep at it.

Campaign Logo


In a world where anyone, anywhere can be your customer through digitization, a passion can be done and created into an online business. My passion to help people rebuild their lives after painful experiences was turned into an online entity. This was made possible through using the same simple steps listed above and joining an online marketing community that helped me learn more on website design and content. Today I am a successful entreprenuer who helps people around the world to become better individuals by firstly loving themselves and growing in confidence. You can also turn your passion into an online business by joining the Wealthy Affiliate community for FREE and you will learn a step by step process of turning your passion into an online business.


Focusing on a passion not only keeps your mind occupied but it also helps you build confidence and grow into knowing who you are. You love yourself better in the process and attract other people and help them with what you can uniquely offer. Your passion can be turned into a business and also help you earn revenue in the process.

If you have any views, comments or questions, please feel free to share at the bottom, and I will be more than happy to respond.

If you want to share your experience or hear other people’s experiences, please join our community of people around the world who have gone through emotionally painful experiences and are in the process of developing new beauty from the pain for FREE, by signing up HERE.






HEALTHY LIVING- Relax and sleep right

When you are betrayed, abused or rejected by a loved one, you can be stressed and one health aspect adversely affected is your sleeping habit as you think and ponder on the painful experience over and over again. You may find yourself sleeping less than the recommended sleeping time. Even when you eventually sleep, the emotional hurt can haunt you to the point that you continuously dream of it. On the other extreme end , an emotionally stressful experience can result in one sleeping excessively as they shun themselves from the rest of the world. Bad sleeping habits have an adverse effect on one’s healthy lifestyle, therefore it is important that you focus on good relaxing techniques that will help you ease the stress you would have gone through and help you develop better sleeping habits.


Sleeping is a vital indicator of overall health and wellbeing as we spend approximately one third of our lives sleeping. Sleep requirements vary across ages and are especially impacted by lifestyle and health. According to the National Sleep Foundation, the below chart is the recommended  sleeping period based on age group. However there could be exceptional cases where individual’s needs like health issues could alter the sleeping periods.

  • Newborns (0-3 months):  Recommended sleep range is 14-17 hours each day
  • Infants (4-11 months): Sleep range should be  12-15 hours
  • Toddlers (1-2 years): Sleep range should be 11-14 hours
  • Preschoolers (3-5): Sleep range should be 10-13 hours
  • School age children (6-13): Sleep range should be  9-11 hours
  • Teenagers (14-17): Sleep range should be 8-10 hours
  • Younger adults (18-25): Sleep range should be 7-9 hours
  • Adults (26-64): Sleep range should be 7-9 hours
  • Older adults (65+): Sleep range should be 7-8 hours


Emotionally painful experiences can result in hurt and stress, therefore before we focus on how to develop good sleeping habits as you move on and focus on rebuilding a self worth, it is important we touch on relaxation techniques that can help ease the stress and make you feel better and eventually sleep better. Dr. Benson, editor of the Harvard Medical School special Health report, “Stress Management”, approaches for preventing and reducing stress’ emphasises on relaxation as very vital in stress management.

  • Focus on good breathing techniques:-  When you are hurt and stress you can sometimes experience panic attacks or you feel your chest very tight, affecting the normal breathing. As a way to relax, practise taking deep , slow  breaths. As you take these breaths gently disengage your mind from the distracting thoughts of what you went through and focus on positive thoughts. This technique can slow down your heart rate and release the tightness in the chest. Keep practicing this until you feel better.
  • Body Scan:- After a few minutes of deep breaths , you can focus on one body part at a time or a group of muscles at a time., mentally releasing any physical tension you might be feeling. You can also visit a Beauty Spar where professionals can help you ease the tension within your body. Click here to find out recommended ways on how you can do a body scan and help release tension.
  • Guided imagery and soothing music:- For this relaxation technique, you surround yourself with positive imagery that relaxes your mind. Kindly note this differs per person. Scenes of an ocean , or a beautiful waterfall can be soothing. Click here to find a wide range of good sceneries  that you can put around you to relax.  In addition look for good soothing music that brings your mind at ease and makes you focus on the beautiful scenery. Click here for a wide range of good soothing music that will help you relax.  Below are also some recommended sources that can help you relax and reduce stress.
  • Mindful meditation:– Some people find Yoga classes very good places to relax  and take your mind off a stressful situation. You can also choose to sit comfortably, , focus on breathing and bring your mind’s attention to the present moment without drifting into concerns about the past experience or worrying about the future. If you are religious, you can also take these moments to silently pray and ask for help.

If you find that the environment you are in is not conducive to relax, you can look for a place where you can really focus on relaxing like a park or somewhere quiet. You can even go on holiday for a while to take a break. A change of environment can help your mind relax and focus on the new environment you are in. (advertise World Ventures holiday packages)

Benefits of the relaxing to ease stress

Relaxation techniques have the following benefits :-

  • Slows the heart rate
  • Lowers Blood pressure
  • Slows your breathing rate
  • Improves digestion
  • Helps maintain normal blood sugar levels
  • Reduces activities of stress hormones
  • Reduces muscle tension and chronic pain
  • Improves blood flow to major muscles
  • Lowers fatigue
  • Reduces anger and frustration
  • Boosts confidence to handle problems
  • Improves sleeping quality

When you relax and ease stress your sleeping habits also improve.

6Tips that will help you develop good sleeping habits

Now that you have practiced relaxation techniques , it is important to start developing good sleeping habits, and the following tips will help you develop good sleeping habits:-

  • Tip 1:- Pay  attention to your thought line ,mood and  energy levels, if these are not okay you will probably not sleep well. Hence it is important you think positive, to improve your mood and energy levels. Your positive thought line will help you sleep better.
  • Tip 2:– Develop a sleep schedule even on weekends that you strictly adhere to. Once your mind adapts to the schedule your sleeping habits improve.
  • Tip 3:-Practice a relaxing bedtime ritual that will help you relax your mind before you sleep. Click here for good suggestions of relaxation routines you can adopt before bed.
  • Tip 4:- Evaluate your bedroom to ensure good ventilation, ideal temperature, good sound proof walls and good lighting  that allows you to have a good night’s sleep.
  • Tip 5:– Sleep on a comfortable bed , mattress, good pillow and  fresh bedding.  Below are the recommended mattresses and pillows that will help your body relax and ensure you have a good night sleep.
  • Tip 6:- Beware of beverages and gadgets that can steal your sleep. The National sleeping foundation suggest that an individual ought to have a natural sleep/wake cycle. Where one sleeps and wakes up naturally with no external forces having to disturb the cycle. However this cycle is usually disrupted by stimulants like caffeine, energy drinks, , alarm clocks, electronic devices and external lights  Excessive intake of energy drinks, caffeine and other beverages can distort good sleeping habits. In order to improve your sleeping habits try and reduce intake of these sleep stealers. It is also advisable to switch off gadgets that can wake you up in the middle of your sleep.

Sleeping disorders that need professional help if the above strategies do not work

After adopting the relaxation techniques ,adhering to the 6 tips to help you sleep better , and you still find yourself with the following signs , consult your physician:-

  • Sleepiness and fatigue during the day
  • Snoring during sleep
  • Consistent Leg cramps
  • Tingling
  • Prolonged insnomia
  • Gasping or difficulty in breathing during sleep
  • Chronic stress



It is important to make sleeping a priority, and to monitor your sleeping habit over a period of time after adopting a sleeping schedule, I recommend the National Sleep Foundation diary. A good sleep, improves your mental alertness and boosts your mood to think positively and also live a healthy lifestyle.

If you have any questions or comments, please leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer them.

HEALTHY LIVING -Exercise right

After  rejection or betrayal, your health habits can change and one of the areas adversely impacted from the relational stress besides your eating habits and sleeping habits is the exercise routine. It is a general rule of thumb that exercising improves your health and reduces the risk of developing diseases. Exercising also improves your quality of life in general. However, when you are in emotional pain because you have been betrayed or rejected, you either stop exercising altogether or you excessively exercise and it becomes an addiction to alleviate the pain. As you are working to rebuild your self- worth after the emotional pain you went through to make you a better, more confident person, it is very important you focus on your exercise routine.


  • It keeps your heart strong
  • It increases your mental health and boosts your positive mood. You generally feel better
  • It makes your brain function better as it makes you more alert
  • Physical exercising is a natural pain reliever , when in mental stress
  • It helps reduce the risk of a number  chronic diseases that include prostate cancer, breast cancer , colon cancer and type 2 diabetes

7 Signs that show your exercising routine has turned into an addiction

Exercising can turn into an addiction when you go through a stressful and painful period of your life. After changing the way you think and making a conscious decision to move on it is vital that you identify whether your exercise routine has turned into an addiction, and start physically exercising right. Below are the signs that indicate you are exercising excessively:-

  • Continue to exercise even when injured or the body is aching:- If you find yourself punishing your body by continuing to exercise even when your body is aching and you in pain; you have probably turned your exercise routine into an addiction.
  • Excessive focus on calories being burnt: – The constant obsession on calories being burnt every time you go for an exercise is a sign that the exercise routine is now excessive. Exercising should be a lifestyle that you enjoy so that you live healthy. If it then becomes an obsession to keep your calories in check it is an addiction.
  • Avoid social gatherings and other aspects in life to exercise: – If physical exercise becomes a priority above everything that matters in your life, then it has turned into an addiction. In such scenarios you can even exercise beyond the recommended exercising time, and it can cause more harm than good.
  • You feel guilty and depressed if you do not exercise: – If you feel depressed and guilty because you did not exercise on a particular day, then you have probably idolised the physical exercise routine and you are addicted to the exercising.
  •  Defining your self-worth based on exercising and fitness: – Your self –esteem or self-worth should not be defined by what you do or how you look, but rather be based on what you believe inside and how you think. Exercising only contributes in boosting the self worth and not determining your self- worth. If exercising and fitness is the determinant of your self- worth, it can turn into an obsession and result in excessive physical exercising.
  • Not taking rest and recovery days between workouts: – Health experts recommend that the body is supposed to rest and one should have recovery days between workouts. The rest is required so that your muscles and broken tissues that might have taken place during work outs recover and repair. Failure to adhere to this rest period can cause more damage than harm.
  • Exercising in unsafe conditions: – If you find yourself exercising even in unsafe conditions, for example when the weather is not permissible, this could be an addiction. If you find yourself putting your life in danger because you want to exercise, this is a sign that indicates you are addicted to exercising and measures should be put in place to rectify this addiction, because excessive exercising poses the following health risks.

The danger of excessive exercising and steps to put the routine back on track

Research suggests that excessive exercise can wipe out the many benefits of exercise. Extreme exercises can result in excessive exertion which can cause short term changes in the heart and arteries. If the extreme exercises are repeated over a period of time, this can increase irregular heartbeats and serious heart conditions in the future.

  • After a period of excessive physical exercising due to stress caused by emotional pain, it is important you start exercising right and live a healthy lifestyle. The first step is to refrain from exercise for a period of time to regain a balanced lifestyle.
  • During the period when you are resting, seek counselling from a professional, especially if you are finding it very difficult to break the exercising addiction.
  • As you focus on going back on track, look for an exercising physiologist or specialist to assist you in determining a healthy workout schedule. Click here to find very good healthy workout schedules that will assist you exercise right.


Rule 1:- Continuous physical exercising should be limited to between 30 to 150 minutes per exercise session to avoid straining the heart. Going beyond the 150 minutes can cause catabolism and muscle breakdown.

Rule 2:- Have one day rest between workouts which will help your body recover.

Rule 3:- You must have at least 150 minutes per week of light exercise activity like walking or swimming, and 75 minutes per week of vigorous Aerobic activity.

Rule 4:- Incorporate strength training at least twice a week for all major muscle groups. Aim to a single set of exercise using weights heavy enough to tire your muscles after 12 to 15 repetitions.

Rule 5:- If you are overweight according to the BMI, click here to embark on exercise that helps you lose your weight and put your healthy life style back on track.

If you cannot exercise for too long like 30 minutes you can cut the exercises to a few minutes. What is important is making regular physical activity part of your lifestyle.

If you need support on going back on track ,I highly recommend that you join the Healthy lifstyle game which offers the following:-

– 1 month long daily training
– Healthy recipes & meal plans for a lifetime!!!
– 24/7 access to online helper
– access to a community & motivation
– A 1-month training program with meal plans & 24/7 support.

This is a fun way to go back on track by eating right and exercising right.

Campaign Logo


Physical exercise is a vital part of a healthy lifestyle, however stress from an emotional painful experience like rejection or betrayal can result in the neglecting of exercising or excessive exercising to ease the hurt you will be going through. However now that you are changing the way you think and focusing on rebuilding your self- worth, it is important to start exercising right which will contribute to a healthy lifestyle. More sources on good exercising programmes can be found below.

If you have any questions of comments, kindly leave them below and I will be more than happy to respond.

HEALTHY LIVING- Ways to eat right after an emotionally painful experience

Eating Healthy

When betrayed, rejected or abused by a loved one, stress can become a part of your life. The stress can have serious adverse effects on health as you focus on the pain you are going through. Three main health areas impacted when stressed are your eating habits, your exercising routine and sleeping schedules. You either eat less or turn to comfort foods when in pain. You turn into isolation and stop exercising altogether or you excessively exercise to the point of punishment. Your sleeping habits change when stressed; you either sleep little as you think of the pain that you just went through resulting in you sleep a lot as a way to hide yourself from the world. As you focus on rebuilding your self –worth after changing the way you think and surrounding yourself with positive thinking people it’s time you focus on a healthy lifestyle


The importance of  focusing  on a healthy lifestyle in rebuilding your self-esteem

A healthy lifestyle:-

  • Improves your mood and general wellbeing. When living healthy, you generally feel good, you look your best and become more energetic because your immune system is boosted.
  • Improves you mental health. You feel better psychologically when you live a healthy lifestyle.
  • Reduces the risk of certain diseases. As you heal emotionally after the painful experience caused by those you love, focusing on physical health reduces the risk of contracting diseases like cancer, diabetes, cardiovascular diseases and diseases caused by over- weight or under weight.
  • Helps prevent excess weight gain: – Excess weight gain has an effect on your health. Cardiovascular diseases are associated with excess weight gain. Therefore it is important to focus on a healthy lifestyle.


The impact of stress on your eating habits

Bad news about a spouse cheating on you, or rejection by a spouse, emotional and physical abuse, all result in stress. When stressed you either lose your appetite and eat little or you turn to comfort foods and eat excessively to ease the pain and hurt. Eating little can result excessive weight loss on one hand, and eating the wrong foods for a prolonged period can result in excessive weight gain. Firstly let’s focus on weight loss.

Weight Loss: –After my spouse cheated on me and later rejected me, I lost my appetite, and started eating very little. I would spend the whole day without eating at all, I completely lost my appetite. In the process I lost weight, and went four sizes down. Fortunately my BMI was not affected as it remained normal. But there can be instances where you lose your weight below the normal weight, and it is important you gain weight as being underweight poses the following health risks:-

10 major risks of having an underweight body

  • The immune system weakens because you are eating less than the required amount of nutrients.
  • The body can develop anaemia
  • You may develop Irregular monthly periods (for women)
  • Vitamin deficiency exposing the body to infections
  • The fertility can be easily affected
  • Bone loss
  • The body can develop kidney diseases
  • Serious fatigue
  • Dry skin and thinning of hair
  • Mental development issues.

The risks caused by underweight can be immediately mitigated by adopting the following eating diet and eating strategies.


Healthy snack on plate

8 Safe foods to gain weight after weight loss caused by stress

  1. Homemade Protein smoothes: – Protein smoothes are highly nutritious and are a quick way to help you gain weight. Click Here for various recipes on highly nutritious protein smoothes.


  1. Milk: – Milk is a good source of calcium and protein. Full cream milk has been used for decades as a weight gainer and muscle builder. It is recommended that you drink at least 2 glasses of milk with a snack or meal in order to help you gain weight.


  1. Rice: – Rice is rich in carbohydrates and fibre. It is calorie dense and can help you gain high carbs and calories from a single serving. The rice can be served with protein foods and healthy fats.


  1. Nuts: – These two foods are a perfect source when you are looking at gaining weight in a short period. A handful of nuts contain 7 grams of protein and 18 grams of healthy fat. Two handfuls of nuts per day with a meal or a snack can quickly add hundreds of calories required.


  1. Potatoes & Starches: – Potatoes including sweet potatoes are cost effective and a very good source to add extra calories. Other natural starches that will add the extra calories are corn, buckwheat, squash and winter root vegetables, beans and legumes.


  1. Whole grain breads: – This is a good source of carbohydrates and fibres. Consumption of whole grain bread can help you gain weight. The bread can be combined with eggs, meat and cheese.


  1. Dried Fruits: – Not only do dry fruits prevent antioxidants and micro nutrients, dried fruits are also a healthy source of calories that can help you gain weight.


  1. Avocados: – Avocados are rich in healthy fats and are fairly calorie dense, therefore a great source to help gain weight. One large avocado weighing 200 grams provides 322 calories, 29 grams of fat and 17 grams of fibre.


Other foods to eat include healthy cereals, cereal bars, dark chocolate, full fat yoghurt all help you gain weight in short period of time.

It is important to monitor your weight when trying to gain weight. Once your Body Mass Index (BMI) falls within the normal range; focus on foods that help you maintain your weight at the same level.


Why you gain weight during a stressful experience

When you are betrayed, rejected or abused the body can crave for comfort foods to alleviate the stressful situation. Researchers have confirmed that some ingredients in the comfort foods work to reduce stress and help decrease stress hormones.  Although it has been scientifically proven that comfort foods make you feel better when stressed, excessive consumption of such foods can cause piles of sugar round the waist and increase the risk of obesity. Therefore it is important to know that comfort foods should only help you in the short term because prolonged consumption of these comfort foods can lead to heart diseases, abdominal fat, diabetes and all other diseases related to excess weight gain.

Ways to lose and manage your weight after a stressful experience

The below professional guidelines will help you lose weight by focusing on eating right and burning the extra calories gained during the time when you were in emotional pain.




How to eat right to maintain your weight 

As you rebuild your self-esteem and focus on healthy living, it is important you eat right every day. Eating right is vital to maintaining a healthy weight and keeping good energy levels. Remember the formula in maintaining weight is to burn calories that you would have consumed. Therefore it is important that you adopt the following strategies in eating right in order to maintain your weight and live healthy:-

Strategy 1:– Choose the right foods to eat

Aim to eat a balanced diet in every meal. The Way to go organisation recommends the attached guidelines in choosing the right foods to eat.. It is important that you focus on the 5 food groups in right quantities. The 5 groups include Protein, Healthy fats, Carbohydrates, Fibre, Calcium & Vitamins.

  • Protein: Is vital in boosting energy levels, while supporting mood and cognitive function. Too much protein can be harmful as it can cause kidney diseases. It is healthier to focus on plant based protein each day than animal products. Click here to learn more on the proportions of protein to be consumed per serving
  • Carbohydrates: – One of the main sources of energy. It is recommended that the sources of carbs should be from vegetables, whole grains and fruit rather than sugars and refined carbs that have lost their nutritional value in the process of been refined. Learn more from www.healthy –eating/choosing healthy carbs/
  • Fat: – Bad fats can wreck your diet and increase your risk of certain diseases; good fats protect your heart and brain. Bad fats include saturated fats that usually come from animal produce. Saturated fats are difficult for the body to breakdown and can potentially lead to heart disease. Unsaturated fats usually come from fish oil and vegetables. However you can reduce the fat in food by grilling or boiling food instead of frying, choosing low fat meat, using vegetable oil to cook instead of animal fat and replacing meat servings with oily fish, nuts or legumes.
  • Fibre: – Foods high in dietary fibres that include grains, fruits, vegetables, nuts, and beans can help your digestive system, and lower the risk for stroke, diabetes and heart disease. Fibre also helps your skin and contributes in weight loss. You should eat at least 21 to 38 grams of fibre per day for a healthy diet.
  • Calcium and Vitamin: – Calcium is crucial for strengthening and maintaining the bone structure. Calcium also regulates the heart rhythm and helps maintain the nervous system. Lack of calcium can lead to osteoporosis and lead to anxiety, sleeping difficulties and depression.

Strategy 2:-Manage the size of portions eaten:-

It is one thing to choose the right foods, and it is another thing to choose the right portions of the foods chosen. AHA gives guidelines on the proportions of foods to be eaten per serving, which depends on age, gender and weight. Taking cognisance of how much you eat can make a difference in obesity and maintaining a healthy weight. Serve your meals on smaller plates or bowls .If you do not feel satisfied at the end of a meal, add more leafy greens or eat a fruit.

Strategy 3: Eat fresh foods and avoid processed foods

Fresh foods are nutrient rich while processed foods are energy rich with added preservatives, dyes, fats and sugars. Whilst fresh foods are a good source of nutrients such as vitamins and minerals, processed foods have little to no nutritional value as most nutrients are lost during the processing of the foods.

Strategy 3:- Limit added sugars

Natural sugars found in fruit and lactose is the best sugars as these are natural. Adding sugar to foods and drinks ONLY enhances the flavour but adds little to no nutritional value.

You might have been eating too much sugar in cookies and cakes to ease the emotional pain you were going through. Now that you are focusing on rebuilding your self-worth and focus on a healthy life style, swap the cookies, ice cream and cake for fruits. Limit the intake of sweet sodas and alcohol intake. It is recommended that alcohol intake is reduced to one drink per day for women and two drinks per day for men.

Strategy 4:- Reduce the intake of sodium

Sodium found in salt is directly linked to High blood pressure, because it increases water retention. By limiting the intake of processed foods, you also reduce the intake of salt in your diet. For flavour, try and replace salt with herbs, such as garlic, rosemary, paprika, basil and other condiments. Also increase the intake of potassium which counteracts the harmful effects of salt. Foods such as bananas, butternut squash and tuna are good sources of potassium.

Strategy 5:- Prepare more of your meals

Cooking more of your meals, gives you enough control to monitor what you eat. You can easily choose the right foods to cook, avoid chemical additives, unhealthy fats and added sugars. Take out foods can leave you feeling tired, bloated and irritable, and add symptoms of stress and depression.

Strategy 6: Read food labels:-

When shopping in grocery shops, it is important to read the food labels, and take careful notice of the ingredients used in the manufacture of the foods. Try and avoid foods with large amounts of sugar, or unhealthy fats.

Strategy 7:- Drink plenty of water

Water is vital in flushing the systems of waste products and toxins. Drinking less than the recommended amount of water can cause dehydration, tiredness, low energy and headaches. You are likely to make healthier food choices if you are well hydrated.



A healthy lifestyle is vital in rebuilding your self-esteem, and this starts with developing good eating habits. Other related articles on healthy living include:-



Should you have any questions or comments, please do not hesitate to leave the questions below. Remember eating right is key in living a Healthy Lifestyle.

Make a positive statement with the way you look without saying a word

Have you ever dressed in a certain way and when you go out to meet your friends or go for a certain function, people around you , who are close to you ask; “Is everything okay? ”. There are 3 main areas in your looks that are adversely impacted by the emotional pain you go through when betrayed, rejected or abused. The first area is your posture. The way you sit, stand and walk may easily turn into victim postures. The second area impacted is your skin. When stressed because of the hurt you went through, the glow of your skin turns to disappear, mainly because of the wrong foods you are eating. The third, but not least is your presentation expressed through poor dressing You may start dressing without “purpose” and because of the wrong posture; the clothes will probably not look as presentable as they ought to. The other challenge could be you might not know how to dress well in line with your body type. This article is going to help you make a positive statement with your looks as you rebuild your self esteem. The article will look at how to improve your posture, skin, and dressing. Remember, now that you have moved on and are focusing on the positive aspects in life, dress with a purpose in mind to express that “You are confident”, “You have moved on”, “You are strong”, “You can achieve anything”, “You are beautiful”.  The way you present yourself to the world should always form a positive opinion in the minds of those who see you.

AREA 1: Alter your posture from that os a “victim” to that of a “victor”

When I was betrayed, I felt like a victim, and my posture expressed the negative thoughts I said to myself.  Research indicates that emotions of anger or happiness can easily be communicated through the posture. When you look down upon yourself, the following postures are expressed through the body language:-

  • Head position & eye contact

Victim Posture The head is mostly on the side or looking downwards. The reason why people with a victim mentality portray this posture is because they are telling themselves they are not worth it. They also want the people around them not to bother them as they wallow in their self pity mindset. A person with a victim mentality avoids eye contact with the people around him or her. When talking to such a person, you see the person looking down or sideways to avoid direct eye contact. However people who meet others with such a posture mistaken them with a very shy person. It is only when you start talking with them that is when you realise they have issues with self-worth.

Victor posture: – As you rebuild your self-worth, it is important to lift your head up high above your shoulders. A head above the shoulders indicates you are in control and confident and ready to take on any challenge that comes you way. Your eyes are like windows to your soul, and when you look a person in their eye when talking to them you are communicating that you have nothing to hide and are confident with whom you are. Aim to look a person in the eye as you communicate with them and always keep your head up high above the shoulders.

Shoulder and hip position

Victim posture: – When you tell yourself, you are good for nothing, unloved and not worth it, your shoulders drop and you lean forward when standing and walking. The hip position is misaligned from the shoulders.

Victor posture: – Aim to align your shoulders with your hips, when you are sitting, standing or walking. The alignment brings out a straight posture of someone who is in control and ready to take on any challenge. It also makes you feel strong and in control.

Back, Chest, and Stomach postures.

Victim posture: – A person who has a low esteem exhibits a back posture that is outward, belly out, and chest curved in. This posture supports the head that is looking down and the dropped shoulders.  This posture can make you feel moody, sad and unsociable.

Victor posture: – As you rebuild your self esteem, aim to lift yourself up by slightly curving in your lower back, pulling in your belly (learn to breath with your chest not your belly), and lifting your chest high. Some people may perceive it as a pompous look, but it is a posture that communicates you are in full control, confident and can achieve anything.

Adjusting your posture, not only transforms the way a dress or garments drapes on you, but also affects the response of people around you.  Research has indicated that psychopaths tend to attack people who communicate a victim posture with the way they walk or present themselves. Hence it is very important to take control of your posture by communicating a body language that shows you are in control.


Take good care of your skin


AREA 2:-4 Basic ways to take care of your skin

Your skin is the biggest organ of your body and mainly expresses what you eat and your basic hygiene. Eating healthy foods has a positive impact on the quality of your skin. A study identified fruits and vegetables as a good source of defence against skin problems and aging. When the heart is broken and you stressed, you normally eat the wrong foods and

and this has a negative impact on the skin. As you start living a healthy lifestyle in the process of moving on and rebuilding your self -worth, it is important you take good care of your skin. Below are some of the basic things you have to do to make your skin look better. However it is important to visit your dermatologist for advice if you have developed serious skin problems during your stressful period:-



It is important that you exfoliate the skin once a day. It makes your skin look brighter and healthier. Skin exfoliation promotes cell turnover and encourages natural sloughing off of the dead skin. Exfoliation helps unclog the pores and free the skin of make- up and bacteria. After exfoliating, the skin feels light.  Scrub the skin with cleansing grainsSurparna Trikha, a beauty expert suggests the following natural ingredients for the scrub grain: – 1 cup rice powder, 1 cup oatmeal, half cup of lemon rind powder. Mix all ingredients and store in jar. Every day take 2 teaspoons and mix with rosewater or milk depending on your skin. Scrub on your face and neck gently, then wash and pat dry.

Wear Sunscreen:-

It is recommended you wear sunscreen always even when indoors because your skin could be exposed to rays or you might be sitting in a room that might have sunlight going through. Make sure sunscreen ingredients (check the label) have zinc oxide, mexoryl, avobezone as active ingridents. Click here for the best sunscreen products. Sunscreen protects the skin from excessive light.

Acne and pimples

Never pick a pimple as this is likely to injure the skin and leave a mark on the skin. People usually cover acne and pimples with heavy make -up.  However it is important pimples are treated by keeping skin clean and drinking lots of water. It is also important to use mint or camphor based skin tonic which helps reduce bacteria build up on the skin.  Learn more about what products that are good in treating acne and pimples.

Get rid of blackheads:-

Blackheads are a reflection that skin is not being taken care off well. As you rebuild your self-worth your skin needs to be of good quality. If you developed deep blackheads, it is vital you get them cleaned out professionally at least once a month. You can visit a dermatologist who can give you recommendations. Surpana Trikha , a beauty expert , recommends the following natural ingredients to cleanse blackheads. Take orange peel powder, mix with rosewater, and scrub on the blackhead prone area, and gently squeeze out with a towel after washing the scrub off.

To learn more about the best way to take care of your skin please click here


AREA 3:- The best way to dress your body type 

As you make a positive statement with the way you look without saying a word, dress with a purpose to make the people around you form a positive opinion that you are beautiful, confident and strong.  Clothes are meant to flatter the body and not the other way round.  The first step is to know your body type in order to determine the clothes that best suite you. Click here to determine your body type using the basic measurements of the bust, waist, and hips. Below are the 4 basic body types and the recommended clothes to wear in a positive manner:-


Body type 1: An Apple body Type

This body is heavy at the top,  slim limbs, wide shoulders, and weight is concentrated around the midsection and chest. Generally the body is bigger on the bust area,  and there is a protruding belly

How to dress positively:- When looking for clothes that suit this body type, focus on clothes that DO NOT bring attention to the waist. So dresses with belts  or dresses that squeeze the waist will not work well for this body type. Aim to wear blouses, dresses and blouses with slight V neck. Aim to draw attention away from your shoulders and waist ;wear clothes that attract attention to your bust and neck.  Also aim to wear tops that drape over any curves. For the bottom part of the body, aim to wear flared pants over skinny slacks. Also aim to wear the slacks below your hip bone , not up to the waist, so that focus is shifted away the waist area. Click here to learn on what clothes to wear for this body type.

Body type 2:- A pear body type

The lower body and hips , behind and thighs are more noticeable features the bottom part of the body is bigger than the shoulders, bust and belly.

How to dress positively:-  Aim to wear clothes add to the bust and shoulder area as it smaller than other body types. Try by all means not to wear clothes that draw attention to your curves and legs, as these are bigger than the upper body. Avoid wearing  pants or tights that narrow your legs, it would make the body look like an inverted triangle. For the bust, aim to wear  a bra that enhances the area. Learn to wear straight leg or slightly flared pants . Heels make the look slimmer. Attention should be drawn to the upper body. Click here to learn on what clothes to wear for this body type.


Body type 3:-Straight / rectangular body type

These body types look fairly straight up with flat shoulders. The waist is about the same size as hips and bust. When standing up , there is no significant feature on this body type.

How to dress positively:– Aim to wear dresses or tops that pinch the waist, or belts that will exaggerate curves. Wear tops and dresses that have embellishment at the bust area, to add weight around that area. Avoid wearing baggy slacks or jeans, and track clothes, as this will make you look like a male figure. Aim to wear skinny jeans and skinny slacks. The biggest asset for this body type is the legs, aim to wear short skirts, or short dresses to reveal your great legs. Click here to learn on what clothes to wear for this body type.


Body type 4:-An hourglass body

This body type has the hip and bust measurements equally the same with a narrow waist.The waist is significantly defined. The curves are shaped in the right places and fat distributed evenly throughout the body.

How to dress positively: The focal point for this body type is the waist. Aim to wear clothes that squeeze the waist so that the curves come out more beautifully. Cropped jackets and tops also work out very well with this body type. Aim to also wear clothes that follow the body’s outline. Avoid clothes that  drape over the waist or shapeless dresses. These will make you look “pregnant”. Aim to wear high waist pants  and pencil skirts that draw attention to your waist. Avoid clothes that reveal too much bust, and tops or blouses that reveal too much of the neckline and cleavage. Wear supportive bras that make your chest look perky. Click here to learn on what clothes to wear for this body type.

Choose colours, and patterns wisely. Wear bright colours on your body areas of strength to enhance the areas and draw attention away from the body areas that are weak points by wearing dark colours. To learn more about the how to dress your body type I recommend the following books that will help you dress your best and make a positive statement  to the people around you.


The Add –Ons

Your presentation can always be enhanced by the following add ons. View these add –ons  as adding flavour to an already beautiful you, just like adding herbs to a meal to make it taste better. The below suggestions will enhance your beauty….

Accessorize your beauty

There is no harm in spoiling yourself with jewellery , watches , sunglasses , bangles just to  enhance the way you look. I believe accessories are like adding flavour to plain food. You may look fabulous in the simple slack, heels and blouse, but adding accessories enhances the way you look. Click here to find the best accessories that suit the new look.

Make Up

Make up may be used to cover skin flaws, however make up is also a good way of enhancing your beauty. You may put very light make up, but it really makes a difference in enhancing your beauty. I recommend the guide will help you on which make up will suite your skin type. Make sure the makeup you put on is always washed off before you go bed to keep skin healthy and good looking.


It is one thing to look good and smell awful. As you enter a place, your fragrance should be attractive and make people want to spend time with you. However if you react to strong smells , you can use recommended  natural herbs to make you smell natural but good. On the other hand if you want to make a positive statement but the sweet smelling fragrance, click here and let your fragrance make people have a positive opinion about you.

Beauty Spa

Once in awhile, it is good to visit a beauty spa, where essential oils and salts are used to cleanse your skin and treat your muscles. This will make you feel about yourself and improve your skin glow.



Hurt and emotional pain have a way of affecting three main beauty areas of your life, your posture, skin and dressing. As you are in the process of moving on and rebuilding your s-elf worth, it is important you focus on having a good posture that communicates your positive thinking, take good care of your skin and dressing in such a way that indicates your life is the best.

For questions or comments kindly leave them below and I will be more than happy to respond to you. Remember take care, because I care.

Rebuilding self -esteem:- Surround yourself with positive thinking people

                     Picture by priscilla-du-preez- from snapshot

The journey of rebuilding your- self esteem begins with changing the way you think (link). Positive thinking and positive affirmations are the foundation in rebuilding your self-worth after a painful experience. However it is important that you take heed of the people that surround you during the life changing process of rebuilding your self -worth. Some friends can be toxic in the rebuilding of your self esteem. Surround yourself with positive thinking people because research has proven that the better the quality of friends, the more likely you are to grow in confidence and achieve your goals. Remember bad company corrupts good character.

After a painful experience, when you choose to move on it’s best not to surround yourself with people that make you feel like going back into the negative cycle. Friends that recreate negative thoughts of victimisation, pain , hate and revenge are toxic in your rebuilding process. Therefore it is important to identify bad friends and choose the good people that will build you positively. A good resource to use in choosing friends is the book by….. called “How to make New friends”.

Below are some bad characteristics that in you need to look out for in a friend so that you avoid them or help them.

Characteristics of bad friends

How do you recognise that the friendship you have is not good for you especially when you are trying to move on? The following aspects are characteristics you should look out for in the people you need to spend less time with or avoid them by all means.

  • A bad friend is very bitter and unforgiving. You are in the process of changing the way you think and thinking positively. Part of  positive thinking involves letting go and forgiving. Now if you hang around a person who is so bitter and unforgiving, it might rub off on you and you will start thinking negatively again. So try and spend less time with a person who cannot let go and is so bitter. It will deter the process of rebuilding your self-worth.
  • A bad friend criticises a lot:- Criticising is not bad especially if it is positive criticism, however there are some people who criticize everything and never see anything positive. All they see is something is either bad or something is always wrong. They always see the glass half empty.
    • A bad friend constantly reminds you of the past experiences:– A painful experience is not easy , and now that you moving on, you don’t need a friend that keeps reminding you of the past betrayal, or the past abuse or the past rejections. All these painful experiences are in the past, they are gone. You are working on moving on and focusing on a new you, therefore avoid a person who keeps reminding you of what happened.
    • A bad friend is very manipulative:– One of the characteristics of a bad friend is that they always want to make things work in their favour regardless of what is involved. These friends are manipulative and want you to dance according to their tune at your expense. They do not care about the positive process you are going through. All they care about is to manipulate you to think otherwise or coerce you to think you are not making any good progress. These friends can demand a lot from you and you end up feeling burnt out. Which brings me to another characteristic;
    • A bad friend gives you stress and burns you out:– After spending time with bad friends, you feel awful, stressed and burnt out. Such feelings have an adverse effect on rebuilding your self-esteem. You don’t want to surround yourself with negative energy, especially when you are making positive changes in your life.
  • Bad friends attract negative energy and that is detrimental in the rebuilding of your self- worth after a painful experience.

  • Source from Snapshot by Joshua Sazon
  • How do you let go of bad friends?

    Now that you have identified traits of bad friends that can slow you down in the rebuilding of self-worth, it is important you avoid the people or communicate what you desire. How do you do this?

    • Firstly write down the bad traits you hate in that particular friend
    • Then take time to explain the bad traits to the friend gently and with caution trying not to offend them in the process
    • Do not blame the friend or say negative words. Concentrate on the key issue at hand and not the person you are talking to. I learnt that there is always a better in communicating the bad in someone. For example instead of saying “ I do not like the way you criticize me”, you can gently say “ I am not comfortable with the negative criticism, but I would appreciate positive criticism as it builds me up”. Notice, the second phrase removes the person you are addressing and focuses on the key issue at hand.
    • Watch your friend’s reactions and respond accordingly. If the friend communicates in body language or words that they are unable to help you in the positive rebuilding process, simply communicate that you will spend less time with them in a non offensive way and move on.

  • Who should you spend more time with?

    Spend time with people that build you up positively

    Now that you have separated yourself from the  people that are likely to  slow you down in the rebuilding process of self worth, it is important that you surround yourself with people who think positively. Below, are traits you should look out for when choosing the people you should spend more time with.

    Surround yourself with friends who:-

    • Are always there to build you up through positive affirmations
    • Are non judgemental and help you move on and focus on a brighter future
    • Always lift you up and encourage you to achieve
    • Are very kind and respectful
    • Are loyal and have your back no matter what
    • Are very joyful to have around
    • Are trustworthy and whatever they say whether it is positive criticism , they say it in love
    • Listen attentively always and cry when you cry. They also rejoice when you rejoice.
    • Comfort you when you cry and smile with you always

    You need to surround yourself with positive people that affirm you and create positive energy around you.


    Source from Snapshot by Sam Manns


    Who you spend time with has an impact in the rebuilding of your self –esteem. You have wallowed in pain and surrounded yourself with people that have helped you throw a pity party. Now that you are moving on, separate yourself from people that keep reminding you of the past and people that just attract negative energy with what they say or how they behave. Surround yourself with people that care about rebuilding your self-worth and confidence. Surround yourself with people that reaffirm and encourage a positive life. Below are helpful books that can help you make good choices in the selection of friends. I am also a fan of good movies, I also suggest a selection of good inspiration movies that you can buy and watch as a group of friends.

  • If you have any questions or comments about the process of surrounding yourself with positive thinking people, please leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer you, because I care.

Change the way you think- Positive thinking

When hurt by someone or people close to you, negative feelings of resentment, hate and revenge replay in your mind over and over again. The thoughts of “why me” or “something is wrong with me” harbour your mind. The first step in rebuilding self worth and confidence is to change the way you think about yourself. Below are practical steps on how to change the way you think from negative thoughts to positive thinking.

STEP 1:- FORGIVENESS: – Forgive yourself and the people who hurt you

After a painful experience, the foundation of thinking positively is forgiveness. Now I know you have been abused, rejected or betrayed by a loved one or a colleague and you may wonder “why forgive after all the pain they have put me through”. Forgiveness is hard, but it is the only way you can move forward and rebuild self worth in a positive way. Failure to forgive gets you stuck in a cycle of negativity. However forgiveness has everything to do with you and how you choose to respond when hurt. Holding on to the past pain ONLY hurts you and not those you are holding negative emotions against. Maybe you are asking yourself what forgiveness is. Let me start with what forgiveness is not. Forgiving the people who hurt you does not condone that what they did to you was right. It also does not mean that you are pretending that nothing ever happened or admitting that your anger isn’t justified. It does not mean you are getting along with the person who hurt you or will get along with them in the future.

Forgiveness is about:-

  • Choosing serenity and happiness over anger
  • Moving on and letting go
  • Giving yourself a new page to turn and start over again
  • Freeing up and putting to better use the energy that is being consumed by holding on to grudges and nursing the old wounds.

In their book, “How to make Peace with your past and get on with your life”, Sidney B. Simons and Suzanne Simons explain that for many people not forgiving the people who hurt them or forgiving themselves, provides them with an excuse for everything that is wrong in their lives. Do not use your past painful experience as an excuse to harbour negative thoughts about yourself and the ones who hurt you.

How do you forgive then?

You may be asking then, how do I forgive the people who have wronged me. Stanford Forgiveness Project share simple steps on how to forgive. The following are simple steps you can take in forgiving:-

  • Acknowledge that those things did happen and they did hurt you.
  • Make a commitment to yourself to do what you need to do in order to feel better.
  • Notice, distress is coming not from what happened but from the negative thoughts you have about what happened. You can control your thoughts.
  • Practice stress reduction techniques (link)
  • Ask yourself what you are thankful for when the thought of pain and hurt replays.
  • Put your energy to achieving your goals instead of focusing on the negative painful experience.
  • Know that the best revenge after a painful experience, is a life well lived.
  • Change your painful experience into a beautiful story of how you moved on and share with others.

Ultimately forgiveness is about taking back your power.

Make a consciuos decision to change the way you think

STEP 2:-Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones

Once you forgive, let go and start refocusing your energy on positive aspects of life, it’s time to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. The beauty about a thought learned, it can be unlearned. (link)Train your mind to focus and think of what you want in life, and avoid thinking of things that you do not want in life. Thoughts of being unloved, a failure, or unworthy should be replaced by thoughts of love, success and self worth. As you embark on the journey of replacing the negative thoughts, note you will have moments when the negative thoughts pop up here and there, however when that happens, immediately replace the thoughts with positive thinking. Start believing in yourself and dream of what you want to become. Remember don’t let your past pain define who you are, you are what you think and believe. To learn more on helping you replace the negative thoughts sign up, and I will send a free videos that will give you a practical guide on changing your thought process from negative to positive.


STEP 3:- Focus on positive affirmations

Now that your thought process is changing, compliment this positive thinking with positive affirmations. Start saying things to yourself that you want to hear. Stand in front of the mirror and say to yourself loudly; “you are beautiful”, “you are confident”“you are strong and you can do it”. Positive affirmations have a huge impact in rebuilding your self esteem. You keep affirming yourself till you believe it and it is a part of you. It is important that you write down the positive things that you want to see happening in your life, then everyday you affirm the words. It can be one positive statement per day or per week whatever you feel comfortable with. Positive affirmations result in positive attitudes. Once you have a positive attitude, your behaviour changes likewise.

When you believe what you say and your thought process is in line, your attitude changes for the positive. Then ultimately your behaviour starts changing for the best. The following behavioural aspects that need to align with you positive thinking thought process after a painful experience; are covered in the next posts:-



After a painful experience the first step in rebuilding self worth is to change the way you think. This is the foundation, because the way you think determines the way you behave. The change in thinking however starts from forgiving and letting go which essential in attracting the positive energy. After you are hurt you cry, you vent, but you also forgive, let go and focus on the beauty of life. Remember your past pain is just an experience and holding on to it will make it very difficult for you to move on. Free yourself by letting go because, the best revenge to the people that hurt you is to look good and achieve your highest goals.

Click here to learn pratical ways to change the way you think.

If you have any questions or comments, please leave them below and I will be more than happy to help you.






How to rebuild your self-esteem after an emotionally painful experience?

Betrayed and hurt by a loved one

Abuse, rejection, seperation and  betrayal are all painful experiences that can leave you questioning your self worth as an individual. These painful experinces have an adverse effect on self-esteem. Glen R. Schiraldi, PHD author of Self Esteem Work (link) book describes self Esteem as a realistic, appreciative opinion of oneself. When you are hurt, negative thoughts about self usually build up. You view yourself as a failure and put yourself on trial sentencing yourself to self-criticism. Such negative thoughts create negative behaviors which include bad eating habits, poor presentation (looks) , self-pity and loss of hope in life.

The good news is there is hope after a painful experience. Jessica Koblez PSY D (hyperlink) states”….thoughts are learned ,which means they can be unlearned…”The following practical tips are going to help you rebuild your self-esteem and rebirth a beautiful, confident person, because you are not defined by the bad experiences and circumstances but you are defined by what you think and believe. The following 5 practical tips are the foundation of a change in lifestyle from a negative situation into a beautiful, exciting life. Kindly note these practical tips are a process and you have to make a conscious decision to consistently adhere to them in order for you to experience the positive results.


PRACTICAL TIP 1:- Change the way you think- Positive thinking

This is the foundation for rebuilding self-esteem after a painful experience. The way you think is key to the way you behave. As your thoughts are, so is your life (link)When you are hurt by a loved one or a colleague thoughts of hate, failure to forgive and revenge harbor your mind. It is very normal, I must say. Give yourself time to cry and vent, but there should come a time when you should let go and forgive. This is not easy but it is possible (link) It is also important to forgive yourself. You may ask why let go and forgive after the pain and hurt that you have gone through. This is because, failure to forgive gets you stuck in a cycle of negativity (link). The moment you think of that person who hurt you or self criticize; you become very bitter and negative. However, this can change, by letting go and forgiving. Click here (link) to find practical steps in forgiving and letting go.

Let go and move on

After letting go, it’s time to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. This starts by writing down what you want or wish for yourself. Positive thinking results in positive affirmations. For example, you can write statements like;” I am strong”, “ I am beautiful”, I am smart”, “ I can make it in life”, “ I am confident” . You need to keep saying these statements to yourself. You can start with one statement per day or per week. Say the positive words until you believe them. When you look  in the mirror, you need to see that beautiful ,confident, successful person you say you are! Remember positive thinking, results in positive affirmations and ultimately a positive attitude is born. If you start having a positive attitude, your behavior also becomes positive. You can also sign up  to receive a free ebook, Mind your Mind (link) a practical guide on how to change your mindset from negativity to a positive mind .

Click here to learn more >>>>

PRACTICAL TIP 2:- Give little time  to those who remind you of the past pain: Surround yourself with positive thinking people 

Have you ever realized when you trying to move on, there are “friends” who just keep reminding you of the past pain. After meeting these “friends” you feel like throwing a pity party for yourself again. These “friends” can come with the best of intentions , but the constant reminder of the hurt and pain you went through is not good for the process of rebuilding self-esteem and re birthing beauty. It’s like taking two steps forward, then when you meet these “friends” you go ten steps back. By all means try to avoid these people or better still tell them that they should stop reminding you of the past, but state to them that you are moving on. Start surrounding yourself with positive minded people who will also give you positive affirmations. Remember bad company corrupts good character (link). If you are trying to rebuild your self-esteem, and beautify your life, surround yourself with people who are like minded. It does not have to be a lot of people, one or two people are okay. How to make new friends (link) is a good source of inspiration in finding new friends that are like minded and helps you in the rebuilding process.

Click here to learn more>>>

Detoxing diet

PRACTICAL TIP 3:-Live Healthy:-Eat right, Exercise regularly and rest

When hurt; three major things usually happen to your health life.

  1.  Eating habits change. You either lose your appetite and eat little or you throw yourself a pity party and turn to comfort foods (link). These two scenarios can result in either weight loss or weight gain. Now that you are rebuilding you self-esteem and re birthing a new you after a painful situation, it is important you start living a healthy lifestyle. Eat healthy and if you have gained weight above the normal (link on how to calculate normal weight), I strongly recommend you focus on a detox diet (link) to manage  the excess sugar and fat intake. Paleo restart (link) has an awesome detox diet that will see you get back on track in 30 days. You could also learn on other ways of eating right by clicking the link below. Eating right contributes to healthy lifestyle.

Click here to learn more>>>

2. Exercise Right:- When  hurt you either exercise excessively to the point of punishing yourself or you stop exercising all together. It is important to exercise if want to live healthy. However , excercising right(link) is key  to keeping your whole body and soul healthy.

Click here to learn more>>>

3. Relax and sleep right:– When in pain, you think a lot and sleep little. Now that you are changing your mindset, rest well so that you always wake up refreshed and ready to go!

Ultimately a healthy lifestyle is key in rebuilding self-esteem and re birthing a new you.

Click here to learn more>>>

PRACTICAL TIP 4:-Make a positive statement with your looks without saying a word

New look for a new mindset

Have you ever dressed in a manner that people around ask you if everything is okay? Now that you are rebuilding your self-esteem and re birthing a new beautiful you, you need to show it by the way you look. One of the renowned Entrepreneurial writers Jim Joseph puts it this way:- “Put some thought into what you wear because others are forming an opinion about you based on how you look”. Dress your best Complete (link) helps you in selecting clothes that play up your positives and creates a balanced body shape. The book also gives tips on how to dress confidently for the different  body types. Style develops confidence (link). You can buy some new clothes, accessories  and make up that beautify and show a new you (link). Spoil yourself if you can, you deserve it, after all you came out strong after being hurt, why not show it with the way you look. Let people affirm that you look good and on point. Such positive affirmations have a huge impact in rebuilding your self-esteem. When people tell you how good you look even  after the pain you went through , it boosts your confidence.  Remember make a positive statement with your looks without saying a word!

Click here to learn more>>>

PRACTICAL TIP 5:- Focus on your passion:- What do you love doing?

When you are hurt, focusing on what you love doing becomes very difficult. Now that you are working on rebuilding your self-esteem, it’s time to refocus on your passion.   Focusing on what you love doing helps you see your strenghths and uniqueness. You can even turn your passion into a successful online business and Wealthy Affiliate community(link) can get you started for free.

Click here to learn more>>>


The process of rebuilding your self-esteem and re birthing a new beautiful you is not easy especially after a painful experience, BUT it is possible. Separate yourself from the painful experiences you had. Don’t let the bad circumstances define who you are. It takes a conscious decision to consistently think positively and reaffirm yourself. From these foundations, your behavior changes, and you make the right decisions by living healthy, dressing in a manner that shows the positive changes and focusing on your uniqueness. This process will bring the new beauty from pain and bring hope to those who are going through what you went through. If you have any questions or comments, please share at the bottom. I would love to hear from you. If you have any other tips or testimonials , I also recommend that you share these. This could really help someone who is going through a painful experience and is trying to move on. There is hope for all after a painful experience, it takes a change in the way you think and behave.