When hurt by someone or people close to you, negative feelings of resentment, hate and revenge replay in your mind over and over again. The thoughts of “why me” or “something is wrong with me” harbour your mind. The first step in rebuilding self worth and confidence is to change the way you think about yourself. Below are practical steps on how to change the way you think from negative thoughts to positive thinking.
STEP 1:- FORGIVENESS: – Forgive yourself and the people who hurt you
After a painful experience, the foundation of thinking positively is forgiveness. Now I know you have been abused, rejected or betrayed by a loved one or a colleague and you may wonder “why forgive after all the pain they have put me through”. Forgiveness is hard, but it is the only way you can move forward and rebuild self worth in a positive way. Failure to forgive gets you stuck in a cycle of negativity. However forgiveness has everything to do with you and how you choose to respond when hurt. Holding on to the past pain ONLY hurts you and not those you are holding negative emotions against. Maybe you are asking yourself what forgiveness is. Let me start with what forgiveness is not. Forgiving the people who hurt you does not condone that what they did to you was right. It also does not mean that you are pretending that nothing ever happened or admitting that your anger isn’t justified. It does not mean you are getting along with the person who hurt you or will get along with them in the future.
Forgiveness is about:-
- Choosing serenity and happiness over anger
- Moving on and letting go
- Giving yourself a new page to turn and start over again
- Freeing up and putting to better use the energy that is being consumed by holding on to grudges and nursing the old wounds.
In their book, “How to make Peace with your past and get on with your life”, Sidney B. Simons and Suzanne Simons explain that for many people not forgiving the people who hurt them or forgiving themselves, provides them with an excuse for everything that is wrong in their lives. Do not use your past painful experience as an excuse to harbour negative thoughts about yourself and the ones who hurt you.
How do you forgive then?
You may be asking then, how do I forgive the people who have wronged me. Stanford Forgiveness Project share simple steps on how to forgive. The following are simple steps you can take in forgiving:-
- Acknowledge that those things did happen and they did hurt you.
- Make a commitment to yourself to do what you need to do in order to feel better.
- Notice, distress is coming not from what happened but from the negative thoughts you have about what happened. You can control your thoughts.
- Practice stress reduction techniques (link)
- Ask yourself what you are thankful for when the thought of pain and hurt replays.
- Put your energy to achieving your goals instead of focusing on the negative painful experience.
- Know that the best revenge after a painful experience, is a life well lived.
- Change your painful experience into a beautiful story of how you moved on and share with others.
Ultimately forgiveness is about taking back your power.
STEP 2:-Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones
Once you forgive, let go and start refocusing your energy on positive aspects of life, it’s time to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. The beauty about a thought learned, it can be unlearned. (link)Train your mind to focus and think of what you want in life, and avoid thinking of things that you do not want in life. Thoughts of being unloved, a failure, or unworthy should be replaced by thoughts of love, success and self worth. As you embark on the journey of replacing the negative thoughts, note you will have moments when the negative thoughts pop up here and there, however when that happens, immediately replace the thoughts with positive thinking. Start believing in yourself and dream of what you want to become. Remember don’t let your past pain define who you are, you are what you think and believe. To learn more on helping you replace the negative thoughts sign up, and I will send a free videos that will give you a practical guide on changing your thought process from negative to positive.
STEP 3:- Focus on positive affirmations
Now that your thought process is changing, compliment this positive thinking with positive affirmations. Start saying things to yourself that you want to hear. Stand in front of the mirror and say to yourself loudly; “you are beautiful”, “you are confident”“you are strong and you can do it”. Positive affirmations have a huge impact in rebuilding your self esteem. You keep affirming yourself till you believe it and it is a part of you. It is important that you write down the positive things that you want to see happening in your life, then everyday you affirm the words. It can be one positive statement per day or per week whatever you feel comfortable with. Positive affirmations result in positive attitudes. Once you have a positive attitude, your behaviour changes likewise.
When you believe what you say and your thought process is in line, your attitude changes for the positive. Then ultimately your behaviour starts changing for the best. The following behavioural aspects that need to align with you positive thinking thought process after a painful experience; are covered in the next posts:-
- Give little time to bad associates:- Hang out with people that are like minded
- Healthy lifestyle:- Eat Healthy, Exercise right and rest well
- Make a positive statement with the way you look
- Focus on your passion
After a painful experience the first step in rebuilding self worth is to change the way you think. This is the foundation, because the way you think determines the way you behave. The change in thinking however starts from forgiving and letting go which essential in attracting the positive energy. After you are hurt you cry, you vent, but you also forgive, let go and focus on the beauty of life. Remember your past pain is just an experience and holding on to it will make it very difficult for you to move on. Free yourself by letting go because, the best revenge to the people that hurt you is to look good and achieve your highest goals.
Click here to learn pratical ways to change the way you think.
If you have any questions or comments, please leave them below and I will be more than happy to help you.