How to rebuild your self-esteem after an emotionally painful experience?

Betrayed and hurt by a loved one

Abuse, rejection, seperation and  betrayal are all painful experiences that can leave you questioning your self worth as an individual. These painful experinces have an adverse effect on self-esteem. Glen R. Schiraldi, PHD author of Self Esteem Work (link) book describes self Esteem as a realistic, appreciative opinion of oneself. When you are hurt, negative thoughts about self usually build up. You view yourself as a failure and put yourself on trial sentencing yourself to self-criticism. Such negative thoughts create negative behaviors which include bad eating habits, poor presentation (looks) , self-pity and loss of hope in life.

The good news is there is hope after a painful experience. Jessica Koblez PSY D (hyperlink) states”….thoughts are learned ,which means they can be unlearned…”The following practical tips are going to help you rebuild your self-esteem and rebirth a beautiful, confident person, because you are not defined by the bad experiences and circumstances but you are defined by what you think and believe. The following 5 practical tips are the foundation of a change in lifestyle from a negative situation into a beautiful, exciting life. Kindly note these practical tips are a process and you have to make a conscious decision to consistently adhere to them in order for you to experience the positive results.


PRACTICAL TIP 1:- Change the way you think- Positive thinking

This is the foundation for rebuilding self-esteem after a painful experience. The way you think is key to the way you behave. As your thoughts are, so is your life (link)When you are hurt by a loved one or a colleague thoughts of hate, failure to forgive and revenge harbor your mind. It is very normal, I must say. Give yourself time to cry and vent, but there should come a time when you should let go and forgive. This is not easy but it is possible (link) It is also important to forgive yourself. You may ask why let go and forgive after the pain and hurt that you have gone through. This is because, failure to forgive gets you stuck in a cycle of negativity (link). The moment you think of that person who hurt you or self criticize; you become very bitter and negative. However, this can change, by letting go and forgiving. Click here (link) to find practical steps in forgiving and letting go.

Let go and move on

After letting go, it’s time to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. This starts by writing down what you want or wish for yourself. Positive thinking results in positive affirmations. For example, you can write statements like;” I am strong”, “ I am beautiful”, I am smart”, “ I can make it in life”, “ I am confident” . You need to keep saying these statements to yourself. You can start with one statement per day or per week. Say the positive words until you believe them. When you look  in the mirror, you need to see that beautiful ,confident, successful person you say you are! Remember positive thinking, results in positive affirmations and ultimately a positive attitude is born. If you start having a positive attitude, your behavior also becomes positive. You can also sign up  to receive a free ebook, Mind your Mind (link) a practical guide on how to change your mindset from negativity to a positive mind .

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PRACTICAL TIP 2:- Give little time  to those who remind you of the past pain: Surround yourself with positive thinking people 

Have you ever realized when you trying to move on, there are “friends” who just keep reminding you of the past pain. After meeting these “friends” you feel like throwing a pity party for yourself again. These “friends” can come with the best of intentions , but the constant reminder of the hurt and pain you went through is not good for the process of rebuilding self-esteem and re birthing beauty. It’s like taking two steps forward, then when you meet these “friends” you go ten steps back. By all means try to avoid these people or better still tell them that they should stop reminding you of the past, but state to them that you are moving on. Start surrounding yourself with positive minded people who will also give you positive affirmations. Remember bad company corrupts good character (link). If you are trying to rebuild your self-esteem, and beautify your life, surround yourself with people who are like minded. It does not have to be a lot of people, one or two people are okay. How to make new friends (link) is a good source of inspiration in finding new friends that are like minded and helps you in the rebuilding process.

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Detoxing diet

PRACTICAL TIP 3:-Live Healthy:-Eat right, Exercise regularly and rest

When hurt; three major things usually happen to your health life.

  1.  Eating habits change. You either lose your appetite and eat little or you throw yourself a pity party and turn to comfort foods (link). These two scenarios can result in either weight loss or weight gain. Now that you are rebuilding you self-esteem and re birthing a new you after a painful situation, it is important you start living a healthy lifestyle. Eat healthy and if you have gained weight above the normal (link on how to calculate normal weight), I strongly recommend you focus on a detox diet (link) to manage  the excess sugar and fat intake. Paleo restart (link) has an awesome detox diet that will see you get back on track in 30 days. You could also learn on other ways of eating right by clicking the link below. Eating right contributes to healthy lifestyle.

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2. Exercise Right:- When  hurt you either exercise excessively to the point of punishing yourself or you stop exercising all together. It is important to exercise if want to live healthy. However , excercising right(link) is key  to keeping your whole body and soul healthy.

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3. Relax and sleep right:– When in pain, you think a lot and sleep little. Now that you are changing your mindset, rest well so that you always wake up refreshed and ready to go!

Ultimately a healthy lifestyle is key in rebuilding self-esteem and re birthing a new you.

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PRACTICAL TIP 4:-Make a positive statement with your looks without saying a word

New look for a new mindset

Have you ever dressed in a manner that people around ask you if everything is okay? Now that you are rebuilding your self-esteem and re birthing a new beautiful you, you need to show it by the way you look. One of the renowned Entrepreneurial writers Jim Joseph puts it this way:- “Put some thought into what you wear because others are forming an opinion about you based on how you look”. Dress your best Complete (link) helps you in selecting clothes that play up your positives and creates a balanced body shape. The book also gives tips on how to dress confidently for the different  body types. Style develops confidence (link). You can buy some new clothes, accessories  and make up that beautify and show a new you (link). Spoil yourself if you can, you deserve it, after all you came out strong after being hurt, why not show it with the way you look. Let people affirm that you look good and on point. Such positive affirmations have a huge impact in rebuilding your self-esteem. When people tell you how good you look even  after the pain you went through , it boosts your confidence.  Remember make a positive statement with your looks without saying a word!

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PRACTICAL TIP 5:- Focus on your passion:- What do you love doing?

When you are hurt, focusing on what you love doing becomes very difficult. Now that you are working on rebuilding your self-esteem, it’s time to refocus on your passion.   Focusing on what you love doing helps you see your strenghths and uniqueness. You can even turn your passion into a successful online business and Wealthy Affiliate community(link) can get you started for free.

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The process of rebuilding your self-esteem and re birthing a new beautiful you is not easy especially after a painful experience, BUT it is possible. Separate yourself from the painful experiences you had. Don’t let the bad circumstances define who you are. It takes a conscious decision to consistently think positively and reaffirm yourself. From these foundations, your behavior changes, and you make the right decisions by living healthy, dressing in a manner that shows the positive changes and focusing on your uniqueness. This process will bring the new beauty from pain and bring hope to those who are going through what you went through. If you have any questions or comments, please share at the bottom. I would love to hear from you. If you have any other tips or testimonials , I also recommend that you share these. This could really help someone who is going through a painful experience and is trying to move on. There is hope for all after a painful experience, it takes a change in the way you think and behave.






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