The journey of rebuilding your- self esteem begins with changing the way you think (link). Positive thinking and positive affirmations are the foundation in rebuilding your self-worth after a painful experience. However it is important that you take heed of the people that surround you during the life changing process of rebuilding your self -worth. Some friends can be toxic in the rebuilding of your self esteem. Surround yourself with positive thinking people because research has proven that the better the quality of friends, the more likely you are to grow in confidence and achieve your goals. Remember bad company corrupts good character.
After a painful experience, when you choose to move on it’s best not to surround yourself with people that make you feel like going back into the negative cycle. Friends that recreate negative thoughts of victimisation, pain , hate and revenge are toxic in your rebuilding process. Therefore it is important to identify bad friends and choose the good people that will build you positively. A good resource to use in choosing friends is the book by….. called “How to make New friends”.
Below are some bad characteristics that in you need to look out for in a friend so that you avoid them or help them.
Characteristics of bad friends
How do you recognise that the friendship you have is not good for you especially when you are trying to move on? The following aspects are characteristics you should look out for in the people you need to spend less time with or avoid them by all means.
- A bad friend is very bitter and unforgiving. You are in the process of changing the way you think and thinking positively. Part of positive thinking involves letting go and forgiving. Now if you hang around a person who is so bitter and unforgiving, it might rub off on you and you will start thinking negatively again. So try and spend less time with a person who cannot let go and is so bitter. It will deter the process of rebuilding your self-worth.
- A bad friend criticises a lot:- Criticising is not bad especially if it is positive criticism, however there are some people who criticize everything and never see anything positive. All they see is something is either bad or something is always wrong. They always see the glass half empty.
- A bad friend constantly reminds you of the past experiences:– A painful experience is not easy , and now that you moving on, you don’t need a friend that keeps reminding you of the past betrayal, or the past abuse or the past rejections. All these painful experiences are in the past, they are gone. You are working on moving on and focusing on a new you, therefore avoid a person who keeps reminding you of what happened.
- A bad friend is very manipulative:– One of the characteristics of a bad friend is that they always want to make things work in their favour regardless of what is involved. These friends are manipulative and want you to dance according to their tune at your expense. They do not care about the positive process you are going through. All they care about is to manipulate you to think otherwise or coerce you to think you are not making any good progress. These friends can demand a lot from you and you end up feeling burnt out. Which brings me to another characteristic;
- A bad friend gives you stress and burns you out:– After spending time with bad friends, you feel awful, stressed and burnt out. Such feelings have an adverse effect on rebuilding your self-esteem. You don’t want to surround yourself with negative energy, especially when you are making positive changes in your life.
- Bad friends attract negative energy and that is detrimental in the rebuilding of your self- worth after a painful experience.
How do you let go of bad friends?
Now that you have identified traits of bad friends that can slow you down in the rebuilding of self-worth, it is important you avoid the people or communicate what you desire. How do you do this?
- Firstly write down the bad traits you hate in that particular friend
- Then take time to explain the bad traits to the friend gently and with caution trying not to offend them in the process
- Do not blame the friend or say negative words. Concentrate on the key issue at hand and not the person you are talking to. I learnt that there is always a better in communicating the bad in someone. For example instead of saying “ I do not like the way you criticize me”, you can gently say “ I am not comfortable with the negative criticism, but I would appreciate positive criticism as it builds me up”. Notice, the second phrase removes the person you are addressing and focuses on the key issue at hand.
- Watch your friend’s reactions and respond accordingly. If the friend communicates in body language or words that they are unable to help you in the positive rebuilding process, simply communicate that you will spend less time with them in a non offensive way and move on.
Who should you spend more time with?
Now that you have separated yourself from the people that are likely to slow you down in the rebuilding process of self worth, it is important that you surround yourself with people who think positively. Below, are traits you should look out for when choosing the people you should spend more time with.
Surround yourself with friends who:-
- Are always there to build you up through positive affirmations
- Are non judgemental and help you move on and focus on a brighter future
- Always lift you up and encourage you to achieve
- Are very kind and respectful
- Are loyal and have your back no matter what
- Are very joyful to have around
- Are trustworthy and whatever they say whether it is positive criticism , they say it in love
- Listen attentively always and cry when you cry. They also rejoice when you rejoice.
- Comfort you when you cry and smile with you always
You need to surround yourself with positive people that affirm you and create positive energy around you.
Who you spend time with has an impact in the rebuilding of your self –esteem. You have wallowed in pain and surrounded yourself with people that have helped you throw a pity party. Now that you are moving on, separate yourself from people that keep reminding you of the past and people that just attract negative energy with what they say or how they behave. Surround yourself with people that care about rebuilding your self-worth and confidence. Surround yourself with people that reaffirm and encourage a positive life. Below are helpful books that can help you make good choices in the selection of friends. I am also a fan of good movies, I also suggest a selection of good inspiration movies that you can buy and watch as a group of friends.
- If you have any questions or comments about the process of surrounding yourself with positive thinking people, please leave them below and I will be more than happy to answer you, because I care.